struggle

Brain Dump by Craig Kerbrat

Alright. Here goes a new blog post. I don't have anything new to report on the creativity front. I'm still stalled there. And I'm feeling stalled in more ways than one.

I don't know if this is necessarily the type of thing I want to post on my blog, but I feel like I need to post something, and I need to get out some thoughts rolling around in my head. So, win/win?

I've been talking for a while about how I'm struggling to figure out what mark I'll leave in the world. I want to create something, to tell a story that someone will remember. But I've had no luck figuring out what it is, or even what medium to use.

And all I want to do right now is figure that out.

But I just can't seem to do it. I can't seem to focus.

I can't seem to even find myself right now.

I've been going through a lot of major life changes lately. My romantic relationship recently broke down, so I'm adjusting to being single again, while remaining temporarily in a state of cohabitation. Which just makes the lines strange and blurry.

I've also lost the home I've lived in for the majority of my time since I moved here. And it's been a struggle to find something affordable. I've been staying with friends in a great neighbourhood, and I'd love nothing more than to stay in the area, but it seems to be impossible.

And it's starting to feel like I'm in the way.

I've found a new place to live for November, and on paper it's great. It's a really nice top floor of a house. Three bedrooms with two roommates, so it's affordable. Laundry, dishwasher. My own private bathroom. Close to transit and grocery stores.

But it's not what I wanted. I really wanted to stay in this area, and while the new place is not in a bad neighbourhood, it's not where I wanted to be. And I have roommates. I really wanted to have a place to myself. For the first time in my life.

But it's basically impossible unless I want to spend 80% of my income on rent. It's really ridiculous.

Basically, I just feel like I'm in limbo. I'm in between. Can't move forward, can't go back. I'm stuck.

And I feel really sad about it.

And maybe I should figure out a way to harness those sad feelings. Stories have sad parts. Heck, pretty much every Disney movie starts out with the saddest thing ever. So maybe I need to embrace these feelings and use them for good. Stop wallowing.

'Cause if you know me, you know I'm generally a pretty positive guy. I'm not gonna let this keep me down. I've gone through a lot worse and come out okay.

So now I guess it's time to get to work.

Sunday Fitness Update by Craig Kerbrat

Hello! Welcome to my weekly fitness blog post where I recap the previous week's achievements and failures when it comes to my fitness plans. This was my week. 

August 16-22

  • Workouts: 0
  • Run Training: 0
  • 10000 Steps: 7
  • Steps Streak: 39
  • Top Steps: 13939
  • Starting Weight: 77.8 kg
  • Ending Weight: 78.1 kg
  • Change: +0.3 kg
  • Total Change: -0.3 kg

So, this week went pretty much exactly how I didn't want it to go.  I basically entirely forgot about all things fitness. I totally forgot about my push-up challenge, I still didn't make it to the gym, and I didn't end up making it out for a run even once. It was a disappointing week for me fitness-wise.

My first week back at work after a week of vacation time was busy and exhausting, so by the time I got home every evening, I was pretty much just ready to eat, veg, and go to bed. And I had a hard enough time just getting up in time for work that getting up earlier to fit in some exercise really wasn't an option.

So where do I go from here? This summer, I've really gone off course. Almost every week it's another "I was lazy again" post. I'm really not sure how to fix things. I do think it will get easier once the summer heat starts to die down as we head into fall, and at the same time work should get less crazy, so that should mean I'm less exhausted after work. It's what I'm hoping for, anyway. I'll try to fit it in where I can and get back on track ahead of that, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it either.

Anyway, that's my fitness post for the week. I'm pretty excited 'cause I've got my sister visiting and staying with me, so it's sure to be a fun week. I hope you have a great week too!

Sunday Fitness Update by Craig Kerbrat

Alrighty. These Sunday Fitness Updates have basically become updates on what I'm not doing to keep fit. I know I'll turn it around eventually, but so far, I'm keeping with the trend. 

July 26-August 1

  • Workouts: 0
  • Run Training: 0
  • 10000 Steps: 7
  • Steps Streak: 18
  • Top Steps: 20992
  • Starting Weight: 78.7 kg
  • Ending Weight: 77.8 kg
  • Change: -0.9 kg
  • Total Change: -0.6 kg

I didn't run, I didn't work out. It's been so hot and it just saps any motivation I might have. I need to figure out a way to get over it and stay active even when it's warm, but I haven't figured it out yet. I did keep up my steps, and my streak is almost at three weeks. That's something.

I've been thinking about ways to push myself to be active throughout the week. I was thinking about starting small with a push-up challenge. Doing ten push-ups a day for a week, and then slowly increasing it. It's an idea to challenge myself and get me back into the mindset of getting fit, even if it's just a small push to start with. I've started with today, and I'll continue through the week and see how it goes! 

And I think that's all I've got to say for this week. I started this post this morning and nearly 12 hours later I'm finally finishing it. Anyway, have a great week! 

Sunday Fitness Update by Craig Kerbrat

Okay. I'm going to keep this one brief. Nothing really went to plan this week, so I'm a little sad. But things could be worse. Anyway, let's get to it. 

July 12-18

  • Workouts: 0
  • Run Training: 0
  • 10000 Steps: 6
  • Steps Streak: 86 (broken)
  • Top Steps: 13403
  • Starting Weight: 78.2 kg
  • Ending Weight: 77.5 kg
  • Change: -0.7 kg
  • Total Change: -0.9 kg

So, when I got back from San Diego, I wasn't feeling particularly great. I ended up missing work on Tuesday and spent most of the day sleeping. Because of that, I missed my steps goal for the day and broke my streak at 86 days in a row. I was really upset about it, but now I'm looking at it as a new goal to beat.

I didn't work out, I didn't run. It's just been a bit of a struggle week. I still don't feel 100% since I got back from the trip, but I have some tips thanks to the wonderful Andrea's Mum on how to get better. 

So this week, we'll see if I can get back into my fitness groove. I have been trying to get back into the groove for a while now and it hasn't worked, so I'm really going to have to force myself into it. I know I'll feel good once I get back into it, I just need to push myself to get started again.

Sunday Fitness Update: Tuesday Edition by Craig Kerbrat

Oops! This is a couple days late due to being too busy at Comic-Con to think about blogging. I was also too busy to do any kind of running or working out, but check it out anyway.

July 5-11

  • Workouts: 0
  • Run Training: 0
  • 10000 Steps: 7
  • Steps Streak: 84
  • Top Steps: 27664
  • Starting Weight: 78.2 kg
  • Ending Weight: 78.2 kg
  • Change: 0 kg
  • Total Change: -0.2 kg

 So I didn't run, and I didn't work out, but I did keep up my steps, and more than double my step goal on three separate days. My week total was 127416 steps, almost double the weekly goal of 70000 steps. Not bad.

I didn't have a scale to weigh myself on Sunday so I left the same measurements from last week, but I did weigh myself this morning and I may have lost a tiny bit of weight. Less than a kg, so I mean a tiny bit, but it's somerhing. 

i really need to get back into the workout and running thing. This week hasn't started off well with me spending the day sick in bed today, but I'll try to turn it around. It's also finally cooled off a little bit so that's motivation to get moving. 

Otherwise, that's about all I've got to say right now. I'll gather my thoughts and my notes and post my SDCC blog later in the week, so look forward to that! 

Sunday Fitness Update by Craig Kerbrat

Welcome to my Sunday Fitness Update post where I talk about my successes and setbacks from the prior week. Here we go. 

June 21-27

  • Workouts: 1
  • Run Training: 0
  • 10000 Steps: 7
  • Steps Streak: 70
  • Top Steps: 14291
  • Starting Weight: 78.8 kg
  • Ending Weight: 78.4 kg
  • Change: -0.4 kg
  • Total Change: 0 kg

So, I had all these plans to turn things around this week, and I even got a good start with the gym on Monday, but after that my willpower and momentum just kind of fizzled... I missed my second workout and didn't go running at all. I keep telling myself that I'll go to bed earlier and make things easier on myself, but with these long hot summer days it's just not that easy. 

I did push myself to go for a walk last night to keep my steps streak going. I was at just under 7000 steps at 10pm last night, and I almost just went to bed. But I really wanted to keep this streak alive, so I went for a quick walk around the neighbourhood, got my steps, and now that's 10 weeks in a row with 10000 steps every day.

I want to say this week is going to go better than the last few, but with the forecast for the next week I really don't know if I'm going to want to be doing anything overly active. I'll try, 'cause the gym is usually cool, but it's more a matter of making myself get out of bed. 

Anyway, it's the last week before we take off to Comic-Con, so I will definitely try to make it count. I know that Comic-Con week will be easy for steps, but I'm probably not going to get in any running or working out. I'll be a little busy, I'm sure. I'm going to try to make this week a good one, and I'll see you next Sunday with my report.

Fitness... What? by Craig Kerbrat

It's Sunday again, so it's time to check in. And I'm not excited about it this week. So let's just get it over with... 

June 14-20

  • Workouts: 0
  • Run Training: 0
  • 10000 Steps: 7
  • Steps Streak: 63
  • Top Steps: 14092
  • Starting Weight: 78.2 kg
  • Ending Weight: 78.8 kg
  • Change: +0.6 kg
  • Total Change: +0.4 kg

I've been really struggling with my fitness goals lately. There are a lot of excuses I can throw at you: It's too warm to run or work out; I've been too tired to get up early in the morning; Work meetings have been getting in the way in the morning.  But that's all they are: excuses. If I was really motivated, I'd go to bed early to get enough sleep, get up early to avoid the heat, and just do it.

The one bright side is that I am always moving so I've kept up my steps streak. I do have that to feel good about. I really need to set myself a proper bedtime so I can start getting serious about this fitness thing again. It's not like I have lofty goals of running marathons or entering body builder competitions. I just want to stay healthy... and look good with my shirt off.

Anyway, that's all I've got for today. There's a busy Sunday ahead, I'm going to spend the day with some fun people at Car Free Day on Main Street followed by margaritas and guacamole, so it's time to get up and get moving. Have an awesome Sunday, and a great week!

Fitness Slump by Craig Kerbrat

Hello! It's time for my weekly fitness check-in! So without any further ado, let's get started.

May 24-30

  • Workouts: 1
  • 10000 Steps: 7
  • Steps Streak: 42
  • Top Steps: 18336
  • Starting Weight: 78.3 kg
  • Ending Weight: 78.9 kg
  • Change: +0.6 kg
  • Total Change: +0.5 kg

So, as the title suggests, I'm in a bit of a slump. Once again I only got in one workout for the week. I tried to get up for the gym a second time later and the week and was just too tired. I know that I need to start getting to bed earlier on night I'm going to get up for the gym, but there's always some reason to stay up late. I need to fix that.

I've been doing really will with getting my steps it. This week wasn't a struggle at all, and most days I beat my goal by a lot. And while this is great, I do know that I need to step it up. Not necessarily with the number of steps, but with the effort put into them. If all my steps are just from leisurely walks, then I'm not really getting the exercise I need. I need to make sure I get the heart pumping with my daily activities.

I think I need to stop putting it off and start my run training again. I keep thinking to myself that it's not a good time 'cause my allergies have been so bad lately, but in actuality they are worse when I'm sitting around doing nothing than when I'm out and about and moving. So I am going to make my first attempt in a while at running later this afternoon. And then I'll just need to keep up the momentum.

And I think that's about all I've got to say on the matter for this week. It's a beautiful weekend and it's time to get back out there and enjoying it! 

A picture of Stanley Park from my Adventures with Rob yesterday. Perfectly captures the beautiful weather of this weekend. 

A picture of Stanley Park from my Adventures with Rob yesterday. Perfectly captures the beautiful weather of this weekend.